A personal report

The Story Way Back When


Cave people


In this difficult and trying world, I must be the harbinger of my own success and future. I spent the last couple of weeks trying to figure out many things, mainly just what I wanted to see myself doing within the next 2 – 6 years, then the next 10 – 20 etc. It’s a situation I’ve always dreaded throughout my life, not knowing what aspect of the world I could somehow slot myself comfortably into, unsure if such a thing existed at all, and the idea that I’d have to submit to doing and becoming something I hated simply because I had to put food on the table. I’ve always believed that if money was all I wanted out of life I could easily attain it, but it would be it at the cost of leading a meaningless, unproductive and regretful life. The end of my degree looms near and I can already tell that I’m just not going to really suit a normal office job but my options then become stranger, and a lot more difficult.

Growing up in Malaysia’s education system is something I can only describe as being forced through a hellish version of Ken Robinsons factory process, where they attempt to indoctrinate you with nationalist and religiously biased history classes, and force you to memorize giant textbooks of information to regurgitate later, that you’re most likely never going to need ever again outside of school. One of the biggest problems I faced was not being very fluent in the national language Bahasa Melayu resulted in terrible results in all those subjects. Lucky for me science and math was in english and in fact where my deepest interests lays. In fact I had a deep fascination with physics in particular which I still pursue every moment I can today. However in the fourth year of high school students get divided into the ‘art’s and ‘sciences’ and if your grades aren’t all good you automatically get placed in the arts stream, I had to request to be put into the science stream, and I was just told “No, you can’t, you don’t have the results” because only three of my papers – english, math, science – bore good results. This basically ruined my hopes of gaining new and exciting knowledge ever again and I lost all my will entirely in school, and simply resigned myself to the back of classrooms. My only criteria for high school was to pass the final exam (can’t get a job without it), and that I did, only just.

After high school I spent another half a year thinking about what it was I wanted to do, and I had a long standing passion with music, having picked up the piano at a very young age, I wanted to forge a path in that direction, but music isn’t really seen as a productive occupation and was discouraged by all those around me save for a few. In the end taking music course wasn’t really an option so I thought maybe I’ll make games because I spent most of my time playing them, and in the end I settled for a digital animation course at The One Academy. Never having worked hard in school I was totally unprepared the hailstorm of assignments they had in store for me and I hardly lasted a year and failed almost all my subjects every semester and eventually I pulled out of the course and studying for a brief moment until found my feet again in a Mass Communications course at Taylors University, which frankly was the course I heard people were taking when they didn’t know what else to do with their lives.

I often tell people that my time spent and subject studied at Taylors was like an extended version of high school exclusively for those who didn’t make the science stream, where I didn’t learn a single thing. Most (not all) people in my classes just didn’t care to learn things and wanted to have a good time partying and hanging out or causing trouble, I wasn’t any different although my version of trouble was constantly questioning the doctrine pushed onto us by the lecturers. Our assignments weren’t really even that tough. I was able to submit maybe half of my work and still get by which seemed to be the general attitude that was held by many around me, which suited me just fine. After the education system turned it’s back on me, I couldn’t care less about it.

The Story Not So Long Ago

Da Vinci’s Sketches


I decided to further my studies into a degree not because I wanted to prolong my time free from an office job, but what I didn’t expect was just how much I was suddenly turned on by what I learnt at RMIT in Melbourne. It’s like the little kid that died inside when he was told he could never study physics just sprang back to life and was fascinated with what he was seeing. What I got wrong was thinking I had learnt nothing, when I had actually realised early on whilst doing my advertising course that I was basically learning how to manipulate people into doing things they don’t even realise, and my initial and immediate reaction to this was repulsion, and I have ever since hated advertising and PR on a moral basis. This was the foundation that sparked my curiosity again at RMIT where I realised that what I had learnt wasn’t inherently an evil thing. What I did learn was that there are people out there who know how to use this knowledge in extremely exploitative ways, and that there those who use the same knowledge to positive ends as well. This really encapsulated me as a mixture of paranoia and desire to learn more about just what little control I had over my decisions as well as to what extent other people are embedded into this life, and lead me to learn how just much how we’ve all become prisoners of a panopticon in our heads.

“any form of coercion requires justification, and most of them are completely unjustified” Chomsky on totalitarianism

When I started off at RMIT, my contextual studies aspect of the course was in film, but in the following semesters I changed it up to politics and economics as this newfound fascination of the civilized world had gripped my attention gravely. Having next to absolutely no knowledge on any of what was going on, the course materials and concepts were incredibly difficult for me to grasp not because they were particularly difficult concepts, but because there were just simply too many of them. As a result I was completely overwhelmed, but managed to stay barely afloat in this new sea of ideologies and knowledge and what I’ve picked up from it has only inspired me to continue the search for knowledge and answers to problems. What caught my interest the most out of all I went through was thought control in democratic societies but the thing that got me really invested was a 4 part video series by Adam Curtis titled The Century of the Self in which he brings to attention things like the birth of PR as a rebranding of the word ‘propaganda’ by Edward Bernays because it had negative connotations with the Nazi’s. He also talks a lot about the massive amount of psychological information that is used in PR and advertising campaigns to get people to behave irrationally, particularly the psychoanalytical knowledge uncovered by Sigmund Freud (who happened to be Edward Bernays’ uncle). Today the landscape is a little different, and data-mining has been one of the best ways to predict people’s behaviors, and then adjust specific and effective messages to cater individual desires but the objective and end results are the same. A lot of what I picked up after this was from both the documentary and book by Noam Chomsky called Manufacturing Consent and excerpts I had gone through from his other publications. The things he brings to attention which seriously question the role of democracy in the world which promised freedom and solidarity, were a big wake up call or rather a slap in the face for many, including myself, that much of the media we consume is to instill very particular desired behaviors and attributes in us.

“I think people have the capacities to see through the deceit in which they are ensnared, but you gotta make the effort”Chomsky

The kinds of media I hope to create then will probably make getting work I enjoy a little more difficult in a standard media company as they most likely won’t want someone to craft messages that tell people not to be so quick to buy a product. I don’t really see the purpose in confining myself to a single media platform as trying to tackle problems like these requires all aspects and levels of media, they are a means to an end. I plan  on uncovering more methods that can produce these kinds of results and to explore the extent to which these methods can be applied. This endeavour will require knowledge of an enormous avenue of technologies and techniques from media, politics and business to science and religion. As these are all massive avenues of research that people have dedicated their entire lives to I will need to make great effort towards educating myself and figuring out ways to collaborate with people who are already experts in their fields so I can create the most effective and efficient work and methods and this is why I have chosen to work in a scholarly direction. My plan is to spend the next few years fully focused on studying and exploring the wealth of knowledge there is already available. I was able to speak with individuals within the industry and gain invaluable insight into the working world, and to better guide my own path. I still wasn’t 100%  convinced about what I was going to do, but after hearing from them I feel more confident in working towards it.

I realised pretty quickly that the people I wanted to speak with the most were the people who had been teaching me in the last three years of my education as they are the ones who have had a direct influence on my desire to learn more. I also sent out queries to several other professionals who already create media for similar ends that I aim to make.

The Story Now

Super Hadron Collider


During my last semester in a DJ course, we were privileged to get Graham St John to come and give a lecture on what he does.

“Passion for research led me into a scholarly career, which is not the same as an “academic career”. The latter involves inflated egos, power games, administration and so forth. But don’t get me wrong, there are a great many good people in academia. If you have an interest in research then that is the best start. If you are simply interested stature then that is not a good start.”Graham

He goes around to all the biggest lifestyle festivals in the world such as Burning Man and writes about the culture surrounding and embedded in them. When I spoke with him, he was quick to point out a difference between scholarly and academic work, the latter being imbued with unnecessary politics and inflated egos and that it’s something I should only consider as long as I’m in it for the research and not the smug sense of narcissism that comes with it. When I asked what he found most difficult, he brought up how important it is to to choose a research area that has wide applications and appeal ~

“That said, often the research interest is not that which you choose, but which chooses you”Graham

He stressed on how it was important to have my ideas criticised through peers, conferences, reviews etc. which is something I hadn’t really thought about before but quickly made a lot of sense and was also a sentiment shared by most of the academics I had spoken with. I had also spoken with Adrian Miles who lectures at RMIT as he really fascinated me from the first day of class where he talked about decentralization and autonomous systems. What I managed to get from his lectures, was the idea of self driven and self directed work, and learning how to learn, or how to figure out how to figure out how to figure out things. Adrian also enforced the idea that I needed to put my work out there for criticism and recognition. But as I was pretty clueless about what to expect, I did notice that most of my tutors were on their PHD’s as well, which made me wonder if teaching was a necessary component, and it turns out to be entirely optional and not something everyone is capable of. I had also taken liking to Ken Robinson who takes creative approaches to education and talks about lateral thinking in opposition to factory style teaching methods which really fascinated me. I’m still reading into it, but watching his RSA lecture really got me thinking about what I could really be capable of as a human being and to really take being a student to the next level as well as figuring out what it takes to be a good teacher to cultivate the same kinds of creative learning.

“You can be a very good teacher without being the smartest researcher, probably not the other way round.” Adrian

I was also able to talk with Ed Montano who taught me last semester as well for DJ Dance Cultures, in which we looked into the development, current and potential state of dance music and cultures as well learnt some basics on how to DJ ourselves. My chat with him was possibly one of the most useful where he talked to me in detail the kinds of things I could expect.

“This is my little joke, I think most music academics are failed musicians..” Ed

I couldn’t help but agree (even though he may have been joking) that this is a sentiment a lot of people in the arts and creative industries feel when they resort to teaching for income instead of their craft and definitely not a trap I want to fall into. Like most of the people I interviewed, getting into academia wasn’t exactly a deliberate decision but one they sort of found themselves in and Ed talked about how even after a PHD you’re still expected to continue researching and writing articles or books, which I personally thought was a great place to be. He went on to talk about creative practice research as opposed to traditional publications, and this was something that really caught my attention as the kinds of work I want to make will depend heavily on if they can have real world applications and results.

“When you do a PHD people think it’s hard. It’s not hard intellectually, it’s hard motivationally, because you usually get a year and half two years into it and you wonder ‘why the fuck am I doing this?’” Ed

He and Adrian pointed out that my main focus for now should be on applying for an honours and writing a convincing personal statement that proves my interest in researching a particular topic, and should that not pull through to then work towards a Masters Degree.

I was also lucky to get to talk with Tom Heinemann whom is a documentary film maker (who may deny it) makes politically imbued documentaries such as Carbon Crooks which discusses the horrors of the carbon pollution problem.

“Well, I do not see my films as politically motivated. I will leave this up to the viewers to decide that.” Tom

I was intrigued as to what motivated him to create types of media whose goal is to educate people en masse rather than to deprive or hide knowledge from them. He told me about how he had spent the last twenty years travelling the world and how it was “damn unfair”. He expressed his anti free market views and concerns about income inequality, and how as a result of the work he does, it has become increasingly difficult to get things such as permits to film and release footage without getting into lawsuits. He did mention that it was a monetarily fruitless endeavour

“This “business” is close to zero profits and the only thing that justifies me keep doing what I do, is that I truly believe that I can do a difference.” Tom

but that wasn’t going to deter him, nor should it anyone who really believes in this cause. He ended by pointing out that he had no affiliations to any particular ideology or school of thought.

“I’m not a political activist or part/member of any ngo or political party or movement. An unbiased, critical journalist cannot be that. End of story” Tom

The Story That Is Yet To Be

Alex Grey’s Tool artwork


Whilst I’d love to argue that his anti free-market position is certainly a political and biased one in opposition of capitalism, I can see where he’s coming from, which I think is more important. Labels don’t really help solve issues, if anything they just fuel the fire and add more unnecessary layers and confusion to already convoluted problems, ultimately taking away from the actual problems at hand that need solutions. Being unbiased is critical and I aim to make it a point to practice it in as much work as I can to avoid being regarded as an unreliable source of information. I think particularly after these last few weeks, I’ve been able to really solidify my aims and draw out a path I need to take to get where I want to be. It’s not going to be particularly easy, but nothing worth doing ever is. I hope that I can look back on things like this one day and really think to myself that I wasn’t so hopeless after all and that I was fully capable of making truly worthwhile contributions. Always having been a passionate lover of all things scientific, I hope I will be able to create experiments that produce desirable results and perhaps in finding answers, bring rise to new questions worth asking. My journey is far from over, if anything I’m still taking my baby steps, but these are probably the most important steps I will take as they shape what my future will most likely look like. I am both excited and terrified and will have to cultivate my body and mind as best I can to avoid crumbling under the pressures what may come. The future is a dark place and we can only do so much to shape what comes, and I’d rather be prepared and not need to be than be unprepared and caught off guard.



Adrian Miles: Interview took place online via Google Docs on Friday Oct the 2nd 2015

Ed Montano – Interview took place on at RMIT building 9 level 4 Friday Oct the 2nd 2015

Graham St John – Interview took place online via Google Docs on Friday Oct the 8th 2015

Tom Heinemann – Interview took place online via Google Docs on Friday Oct the 1st 2015



Curtis, A. (2015). Century of Self : Happiness Machines. Available at: https://vimeo.com/95699538 [Accessed 6 Oct. 2015].

Noam, C. (2015). Manufacturing ConsentAvailable at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBhuoUzNQ8c [Accessed 6 Oct. 2015].

TED, (2015). Changing Education ParadigmsAvailable at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDZFcDGpL4U [Accessed 7 Oct. 2015].


Fear and Loathing In Documentary The Epic Journey Seminar Series Week 8

The story so far..

So the documentary seminar came and went. It was a little bit of a hectic day as I was using the multitrack studio at Building 9 to record some audio for another assignment, and then had to rush to the seminar to post up some new posters I had made over the night. As we all agreed (my opinion at that point had no weight) to wear colourful Hawaiian shirts and not owning one I was lucky to borrow one in time for the show. It somehow turned out to be the darkest shirt that anyone was wearing that day haha.

So my job, was to collaborate with Axel and Nadine to design the poster for the event which I ended up making using paint and ink, the old school style. I thought it was pretty ugly considering I can’t see anything I make to have any value, buuuut the rest thought it was cool so we ran with it.


The night before the event itself we thought maybe we should make some handouts, but considering I had been given handouts at all the previous seminars and never read them, only to find them scrapped and tossed away, I decided to just make large single page bios of the guests and paste it outside the seminar hall for people to read before coming in. I had printed an extra copy of each just in case, and the guests ended up taking them home because they liked it. Which I also thought was really weird.

They’re not really that great.

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Upon arriving at the seminar about 30 minutes before the show was to start, I realised everything and everyone inside was in chaos and disarray and quickly went in to help whoever needed assistance. The problems mostly surrounded the technical stuff as the wired mic’s couldn’t reach the speakers desk, which resulted in the use of wireless mics that we had no control over. So some of them were soft some were loud, but it really didn’t detract from the seminar.

The seminar itself.. well honestly I think it could have been a lot more engaging if the discourse was more about the documentary making process instead of just what getting jobs is like because after seeing all the seminars, some even from the music industry, I realised that all the guests just repeat the same things over and over. Equal parts luck, equal parts hard work, all parts ability to network. If you can’t network you’re dead. Which really always just depresses me and makes me wish I could disappear =-=

second time I get to use this


but yeah if you’re going to get industry professionals to come in, have them talk about their work more than what it takes to get a job, because you could probably just pick that stuff up from motivational posters anyway.

Also I reckon Gabrielle could have been more assertive in stopping the guests from droning on and on, but all in all the event went by fine, there was plenty of food (whoever made those chocolate chip cookies, god bless you they were awesome), we got some audience questions in, the guests were really nice and informative. I’ve not really managed to work on my networking ability, if anything this is probably the second worst I’ve ever been in terms of co-existing with other human beings, the worst probably being last semester – In saying that though I suppose progress is progress and I have spoken out loud to people I otherwise would’ve hid away from just out of sheer terror. Working on the posters was pretty fun even though there was a tiny bit of adjusting required by the Steering Committee’s which reminded me of what it was like to work in an advertising company and why I hate advertising so much, I managed to maintain relative creative control and my preferred design.

What I picked up from this whole adventure is that I would’ve thought to maybe move in the direction of making documentaries,

but as the guests pointed out it’s not really a thing you can just do, and to work towards TV instead, which is really kind of the opposite of what I want to do (also why I felt like asking people who’ve been out of the job market for so long probably wont be too helpful unless they’re the ones with jobs to offer). So now I’m really confused and have no idea what I should look towards doing other than continuing to study and do research on media and its relation to human behaviour and control which is really where my interests lie. Media, PR (a phrase invented by Edward Bernays as a new word for propaganda to move away from its negative connotations), marketing, management, economics, business, politics and advertising are just means to the ends that I’m interested in and I should like to study them all to achieve desirable ends, the only problem is that there are not jobs or courses that exist like that at least in public hahaha. So I don’t know, I don’t see a crossroads in front of me, I see no roads at all, I’m just out in the middle of the sea, floating along and watching the world and trying to understand why I should stay alive.

come at me bru


I think I’ve learnt a lot about myself through these kinds of processes. I have the capacity to create things that hold a lot more value than I believed them to have, as well the ability to engage in serious discussions about difficult topics although this is probably more of a problem socially as these topics have become all I care or talk about and nobody wants to hear that shit all day. I can actually contribute to a group where I might have felt totally inadequate before even in a leading capacity where I ended up spearheading a few groups because nobody else would do it. I’m just a very reluctant leader. Probably too reluctant. But thats probably why I try to always work alone. I just don’t dig power structures.

Women in Media Epic Journey Series and etc.

The women in media seminar was a week ago now. Before the class I had a quick chat with Christina about how I’ve been doing with the course so far and I voiced my concerns with my personal networking report, considering I don’t know anyone I wanna talk to about it. Or more like I’m just too anxious to talk to anyone. She suggested that I look into documentary specifically and I suppose it made sense but it’s not really what I see myself doing, as I pointed out documentary like any other media text is just a means to an end. I would prefer to see myself continuing to learn, but I don’t know who I would go to for that end.

Anyway, knowing Sam was in charge of lighting with his background in film, I knew it’d be good which it was. The light kept the focus on the guests and made it all more intimate, I didn’t eat the food or anything so no comment, and everything else ran really smoothly. Good job guise.

For our own group meeting, the steering committee sent feedback for my poster and made the kinds of requests that immediately reminded me of working in an advertising company, and why I hated it so much. I made the changes that fit the criteria but made no changes to the artwork itself. We also talked about our own seminar and I showed them how winamp visualiser for our backdrop might be fun, but we’d probably have to give an epileptic warning. Also they asked if we could all wear colourful Hawaiian type shirts and I got asked if I wore colour at all 🙁

No.. I don’t.

Variations of black white and grey are what you’ll get from me hahaha. My colour is all inside my brain, it’ll ooze out if you squeeze it hard enough. Also I just found out I missed the Honours info session which is something I really wanted to go and see ._. we always got an email for it in the past. Meh. Hopefully I can still find out what I need to via emails and whatnot. I’m super keen to learn moar.



Preconceived Expect… o patronum


(sometimes I can’t believe how funny I am)

When I joined communications courses I thought it’d help my ability to talk to people.


I just became engrossed in how the world of media can and is used to manipulate people and stupefy them,

which in turn just alienated me even further from human interaction.

In hindsight

“hey guess what, you’re a sheep and you’ll always be someone elses bitch and in debt till the day you die”

isn’t the best way to make friends.

Too bad I guess

fukken sheeple.

And since I’m the only one I talk to



Media 6

Media 6 which turned out to be two completely different subjects is and has been difficult for me in all the ways I figured it would be. It’s all intensely group work oriented which means I absolutely have no other choice but to interact with other human beings and even now I get too anxious to go for classes ugh. We have one class where we have to organise and orchestrate a seminar with real industry professionals and another where we look into media futures and build a text to suit our chosen topic.

So I’ve ended up with the documentary seminar on which I was, along with two others, tasked with designing the poster for the event. The overarching theme for all the seminars was the “Epic Journey”. Our group came up with using Hunter Thompson’s Fear and Loathing theme and just added a Documentary at the end instead of Las Vegas. I thought this was brilliant because it was a story about the journey to find the American dream so yeah it fit the theme pretty damn fine. I also happened to read the book a while back too so I was immediately inspired to make something in the style of Ralph Steadman

and this is the aftermath

Fear and loathing in documentary

For the media futures class I joined the group that wants to cover copyright laws which is something I have had a personal interest in for a while now. Being a media creator I find myself appropriating material through means which are technically illegal so how will it affect the way I respond when my work is used against my will? It’s something I talk about in a previous post more extensively but it’s no where near exhaustive as this is a topic that is still being debated, which is why I was interested in this idea. The only problem is I fear I’ll let my group down because I’m just not very effective at doing heavy research and writing on a high academic standard. They are things I’m still learning how to do, and I know they all have really high standards, so I just hope I can pull a rabbit out of my ass with this one. If I could work on it alone and in my own time they would probably get much better grades.

Also ‘steering committee’ is such a silly name, always makes me think of steer. Maybe they should change it to the overlords, might be more enticing to join as well.


Growing up where I was from, piracy was possibly the only way to get content at all. The media world around me was totally censored or simply banned outright (Daredevil was banned because it had the world devil in it for fucks sake). The only people who sold movies and music that were worth the time and not uncensored were people selling pirated content. When I re-watch a lot of old movies it’s like I’m watching entirely new films – which is great to some degree, it’s a whole new experience! But in all honesty I wouldn’t have known about the world of music, games and movies if it wasn’t for piracy, and now that I can afford them I spend money whenever I see something worth spending on.

I don’t think big companies neglect this truth either, otherwise they’d be working even harder to take down individuals for minor offences in piracy. Besides, the world of copyright is muddy as fuck. If I’m a music producer and my tracks get used in clubs and bars around the world for profit, I should be getting a cut for all of it – as a DJ would I really want to go through the trouble to credit 30 different artists just for a one hour set, which I change every time I perform many times a week? Well in that sense it’s probably the venues responsibility to sign up with a body like APRA and pay their dues there, but I don’t know if most do.

There is no real black and white when it comes to it outside the pirate flag itself.

Calico Jack

Leaving it to the music (or whichever related) industry is akin to letting the mob handle its bidnuz, and they will bully the fuck out of everyone they can to milk every single penny they can.

Saying no to ‘piracy’ is like saying no to drugs. It’s not gonna happen and with good reason. People have been ‘stealing’ and re-appropriating art since forever. It’s a learning process, it’s how we develop more complex ideas and make new things. Most of the media if not all of it that you know and love today is a copy or a ripoff or a remake of something someone else already has already done. Trying to stop that and stamp your name on it is like trying to kill the creative process and say no to any growth unless it has your name on it. If this ran rampant it would inhibit any real progress and just seems totally counter-intuitive and unproductive.

The whole notion of ownership is a human construct anyway, but we want recognition and incentive to continue making works of art. If there’s nothing in it why bother? I think the illusion that to be a successful creator you need to reach triple A status is a big problem with this – that you’ll only ever be considered an artist if you make a lot of money.. the most money. Otherwise your life is a failed endeavor. But art is the creative playground in which all other aspects of our lives are born, it is innovations’ playground. Creativity deserves much more credit on the basis that without it nothing would really exist today and we’d still be living in the jungles smashing shit with our fists. The whole field of design can be argued as a place for futurists to plan out what our life will be like, isn’t that important as fuck?

I find myself in a particularly peculiar position as I myself am a media maker, but I have also pirated many things in my life, and I’m not alone in this as I’m sure a majority of creators around me do so to. It’s not because we want to steal from the people whose work we adore, rather it’s often times down to a few things like being financially incapable or simply not having access to text in a legitimate way. Knowing the way the internet is and how when you put something online, or if it does end up online somehow, it really doesn’t belong to any one person anymore or group anymore, it becomes part of a greater collective – and to be honest I think that is fair and right. The internet has always been the greatest tool of unknown collective collaboration we have ever seen (I mean you collaborate with people you’ll never know, and people you’ll never know will make things out of your work that you’ll never see) and as long as it stays free it will continue to serve people.

The problem is the warped attempt to capitalize on everything possible at every turn. The term pirate for people who ‘steal’ files was supposed to be derogatory, but if anything when a company goes after an individual for downloading some tunes or films they are the ones that come off as evil and it’s probably because of this

which is why nobody really feels like anything is being stolen when they pirate. Big companies still make million of dollars and thrive and continue to do so and when they crack down on poor unsuspecting kids they make themselves out to be even bigger greedier heartless machines.

The line has to be drawn somewhere,

and this is a discussion that needs to find a resolution.

Greed MTG


You dirty dirty pigs

There’s something terribly wrong with us today. I don’t know if you can feel it too, or if you’ve just stopped caring. Everytime I look to see, it’s just pain, misery, lies, fear, terror, oppression and the occasional innovation – just to tease you into rationalizing a reason to keep on keeping on because you know, clearly there is hope. There’s always hope. Is hope really enough though – the more I talk about things that are difficult to face or answer, people around me just concede to their predicaments.

Nine to five Monday to Friday is just this thing everybody accepts now – using up all the time when a human being is at it’s most productive in tiny space on a focused task serving some conglomo’s leader they’ll most probably never even know. Just so they can continue to live a life chasing weekends which you’ll probably spend dreading the start of the next week anyway.. and where at least from my own experience of those around me is only good for getting as fucked out of your head as possible just to forget you even have work at all.

Whats wrong with you? Why don’t you think this wrong? Why do you keep trying to find words to justify this way of life? The answer is and has always been there. You’ve given up… just like a pig or any animal in a farm has given up trying to be free. You’ve given up to the point that you’ve forgotten and stopped caring what being free actually means. As long as you get fed all the way to the slaughter you’ll let it slide. Because trying to think is too hard, and painful and difficult. It’s easier to just be fed and shuffled around until you die. If a species of animal can’t become compliant in captivity for the purpose of cultivation, we wouldn’t cultivate it. And people are very compliant when coerced or distracted with goodies. And you basically become docile pigs in a farm waiting for the next meal to be shoveled down your throats so you can shit it back to the people who own you.

Did I miss something?

The strange thing about studying media.. is that the more I learn about it, the more I want it to be abolished from daily life =/

I’m not sure if this is a sign that I’ve completely failed at understanding the subject matter, or that I understood it too well.

Is this the beginning of the end?

Today was the last day of the first week of the last semester here at RMIT. I’m not particularly excited that my degree is coming to it’s end. I’d rather spend all my life studying and researching and learning and making new and interesting things, hopefully that’s something I can work towards, but knowing my own mental instabilities make that dream just that. A dream.

So I’ve only got three subjects this time around, for my elective I’m taking Sound Design, to go along with all the other sound-related electives I picked up throughout my course. It looks like we’ll be working around sound design in film, TV and games which is actually pretty cool so I’m kinda looking forward to it. Was slightly disappointed with the first class though cause we spent a lot of time just watching videos of people explaining sound stuff, which.. he really could’ve just sent us links or something to watch in our own time, and instead maybe talked more about his own knowledge in sound design or maybe what we can do to brace for Protools. My favorite course thus far with sound definitely was Soundscape studies – it was such a great class and I really learned a lot from it and Lawrence Harvey was just a super wealth of knowledge when it came to the unnoticed and wonderful aural world that we live in.

I’ve got in my politics stream something to do with screening politics and economics, which is basically politics and economics that have been mediaficated onto screens, like movies etc. I didn’t expect that to be honest because every other politics class I picked up was just seriously heavy and dense political economic discourse, and having absolutely zero background in any of it I really struggled but definitely have come out loving everything I learnt, I don’t feel like such an ignoramus now and it’s definitely made me become much more aware of the world around me, so this subject seems like it may just be a little bit of a nice relief? Our first assignment is to setup a google+ account which I thought was pretty lul aaand then we find that the RMIT gmail accounts actually can’t access google+ so it seems that everyone might fail the first assessment by default XD

Finally I have media 6 which is actually two subjects that have been compressed into one, but only in terms of the marks, because the two classes basically have nothing to do with each other, and the overall marks of both will contribute to a final 100%. One of them will have us making something in a group, which seems like it can turn out to be almost anything, whilst the other will be about forcing us to get in touch with the industry as well as setting up a seminar, and I’ll probably be writing about these two the most in this blog as it’s somewhat of a course requirement.

I forsee lots of group work again, which frankly is so daunting I can already feel myself not eager to go for classes anymore. Can’t tell if this just makes me a useless individual in this world, because everywhere I look it’s all just “networking, social skills, enthusiastic, confident” and I immediately just feel like I’d never get a job anywhere doing anything because I can’t even bring myself to talk to an employer =_= or if I just have to do everything on my own in my own way and not bother with collaboration or working with or for anyone ever again. I’ve tried hard to get myself to be more sociable, but I’m beginning to just accept that I should just let it go. Well it’s either that or medicated sociability but um.. that just doesn’t seem preferable.