Soft Choreography has been described as a “risky performance”, a free space for experimentation, a well of potentials. Personally, I see it a critical and creative ‘rebel’ amongst autonomous, scripted performances/arts. Words like ‘experience’, ‘thinking-feeling’ and ‘flexibility’ definitely excites me, since lately I have been attempting to assimilate different forms of writings (poetry + dialogues + prose + found text) in an effort to create a unique ‘experience’ or ‘character’ with the purpose of stimulating authentic emotions. In order words, I write and rewrite and re-configurate my writings in the hope to ‘feel something’. These are ideas that I’ll expand on later, but the point is: yes, the concept of Soft Choreography has many elements that entices me, however, the reason I chose this class wasn’t because of any of those elements, it was simply because I was scared.
Well, scared isn’t really the right word. Discomfort is more like it.
Recently, given the socio-political climate that revolves around the Black Lives Matter movement, I realise that I am uncomfortable whenever someone brings up the subject of BLM. And no, I don’t think I’m a racist; I have thought about it. But I do think I am uneducated. And the first thing I did when I realised that, was to do the only thing I really know how: I look up books to read that is related to BLM. During this search, I stumbled upon a reviewer on Goodreads who said something I really need to hear. She said that discomfort is an opportunity for growth and if you feel uncomfortable, don’t shy away from it, instead grab a hold of it and start digging to the bottom it. If you do so, you might learn something.
When I first saw the description of this course, I thought it fits perfectly with who I am and who I want to be as a writer, but compares to the other courses available to me in my studio, this was the most confusing of the bunch and it asks me to work with films and media which is something I have never really done before; it was unknown territory. And although I do love this new concept, I really did consider not choosing this class simply because it was unknown territory. And here I am, reflecting on that choice, and realising that no matter the outcome of this course, I’m going to learn some valuable things I would have never learn otherwise.
Now, approaching this course, I am aware of my strengths and weakness as a writer. And I’m going to address my great weakness first and that is ‘convoluted writing’ and sometimes (often) grammatical errors. I tend to go on tangents. A lot. But I am told that drafting and re-drafting will help clear up that issue. So, this blog post is actually the second draft because the first one sounded like I inhaled helium while trying to imitate Ingvartson’s writings. And if this post is still somehow confusing and convoluted, I am so sorry. I constantly have an anxiety about being misunderstood after many years of many people telling me that they don’t understand a word I said/write. But lately, one of the ways I deal with that anxiety strangely have become one of my strengths. I thought to myself, “Okay, if you don’t understand it, that’s fine. I understand it. That’s all that matter.” Now I know what you are thinking, it’s terrible. Grammatical errors should be not be condoned nor incohesive writings, but the thing is, it works. I stopped worrying about what I’m writing and whether it make sense and just write. I learn to accept mess of it all and that was around the time when I started writing poetry and no, my poetry class does not encourage convoluted writings because that’s not skilful, that’s immaturity; however they do encourage experimentation.
So, I started dissecting the language in my works into pieces of ideas and imagery, I move them around and put them together on a piece of paper, like I’m arranging an array of stylistic outfits that I might try on. I see words as jigsaws pieces and my blank page can be any picture I want it to be. I learnt that misunderstandings and communication are just one part of what language could do, if anything, I think it’s the most boring and uninspiring part of what language could do. If a language’s purpose is only be used as a tool for clear communication, then it might as well be dead. I do know that I need to work on my grammar and to write more clearly and cohesively when it’s needed. But it is an instinct of mine, and a strength, to use language to communicate ideas that are beyond the “sayable and seeable”.
In regards, to the collaborative aspect of this course, I have to say that I’m not usually good at creatively working with others. I’m the only kid in my Year 5 class that manage to get a D in Interpersonal Development, so collaborative works kinda confuses and scares me for the longest time. But lately, I am more open to it and I hope to gain some collaborative skills as well as further honing my observation skills and flexibility and mobility of my creative and critical practices.
This is a long one. Sorry.
I’ll try to keep it shorter in the future when I can.
Reference
Ingvartson, M 2020, ’69 positions – Soft Choreography’, Mette Ingvartson, interview text, 2013, viewed 23 July 2020, <http://www.metteingvartsen.net/texts_interviews/soft-choreography/>