I moved out of home for the first time a little over a year ago when I left sydney and my family home. since that time I’ve lived in 3 different places – varying degrees of niceness and cleanliness – but one thing was consistent throughout all of them; spending every waking moment (and every spare dollar) fuelling my unhealthy, insatiable obsession with decorating every aspect of my abode thematically and according to ‘vibe’…
(my new place /work in progress)
1. you spend all of your food money on buying a dining chair (which you now have no money for food to eat while sitting in)
I recently spent a ridiculous amount of money (I am not even going to disclose for sheer embarrassment at the stupidity of it all) on a dining chair from some hoity toity interior decorating shop. it wasn’t even an armchair or a futon or a chaise lounge… or even a set of dining chairs. I’m talking, A dining chair. singular.
and which – when you get home – you realise doesn’t even look worth the amount of money you paid for it, and now refuse to look at (or sit in) it out of sheer hatred and resentment of the whole concept…. in fact, you hate it so much that you’re happier sitting in the box it came in…
… but you keep it as a reminder to never take your mother’s advice again while furniture shopping
2. you paid an extra sum of money to have it upholstered in a different fabric, because tweed is going to improve your life that much more significantly
I don’t even… I’m not bitter at all about this chair, I swear..
hey, I might be homeless soon cause I can’t pay my rent, but at least I’ll be sitting in a damn nice tweed-covered chair.
3. constantly hearing about the ingenuity of your kitchen island is really putting a strain on your friendships
and you plug this goddamn thing like there’s no tomorrow, because you know – therefore, so should everyone – that your house would not be the same without it. that it really completes the ‘industrial’ ‘new-york-meat-packing-district’ vibe that you’re going for.
4. you are constantly living in fear of one of these friends accidentally spilling red wine on the aforementioned chair
“hey guys, predrinks at yours?”
5. you go out of your way to specifically find a scent that matches the ‘vibe’ of your place
watermelon and mint. fresh and edgy!
6. …and nearly have an emotional breakdown when your housemate tells you it smells like skittles
skittles remind you of children, and you hate children.
7. the mere mention of Ikea sends you into a frenzy of anxiety and sickness
because you know you’ll never get out of that place with your bank account (or your dignity) in tact… and because you probably suffered severe food poisoning on more than one occasion from their DIY lunches
maybe one day I’ll take up a real hobby. like knitting. one which doesn’t leave me constantly dissatisfied and broke. until then… urban streetscape decal, anyone?