2.
after turning up to the lecture with the intention to sneakily sit in the back somewhere and watch son’s of anarchy (told you I was brutally honest) I was pretty disgruntled about being told to shut my laptop. not only would I not have the next hour to perve on badass leather-plad dudes covered in ink (as I have been doing virtually all my life and by extension obsessively from the comfort of my own home for the past 2 weeks since discovering SOA on my housemate’s hard-drive – seriously this show is ruining my life), but I also had to sit there and actually listen to what was going on in front of me. once I came to terms with being denied my dose of bikes and babes for the day and bitterly sat and drank my coffee (pun very much intended, they forgot my sugar) I actually started tuning into what was being said. one thing I took from this lecture was that you have to write about what you know…and going back to what I said about ‘online reputation’ in the last post, I figured, well, I was kind of screwed. loosely paraphrasing some quote I read somewhere (probably on some fridge magnet) everything I enjoy is either immoral, illegal, expensive or fattening. having said that (and as I have said in my previous post) I already keep a blog that relates to my interests and lifestyle (a fitness blog documenting my training in becoming a burlesque dancer) and it will probably bore most people to death… nobody cares about how much pre-workout it took me to get off my ass and do some squats, or how hard it was to get out of bed on a monday morning. there are many other things I could easily write a lot about – makeup, music, art, interior design, film, relationships, people, sex… etc etc. but there’s already a million blogs about all of these things, nothing I write could offer an original take on any of this. sure I could write about the music I make, the music I listen to, the people I know, observations from people watching…but it’s all been done before. the next thing that came to mind in response to “write what you know” was to write about the things going on in my brain. there is a lot of things I keep as a mystery, but my headspace is not one. I am more aware than the majority of people about the way that I think and form ideas. I think deeply and philosophically about a lot of things I ultimately don’t properly understand, but upon describing could potentially help others. initially I thought it would be a sweet idea to use this space to document my clouded headspace. my efforts to understand my brain and the way it functions… to debunk this idea of ‘crazy’ that I constantly have to (and struggle to) explain to people. my fascination with understanding mental illness (specifically manic depression/bipolar disorder) could be an interesting and enlightening read for those who don’t understand it – or could be helpful to those who also struggle with it. having said that – and going back to reputation – I’m not entirely certain describing every thought that crosses my mind would benefit me if somebody would stumble across this blog in the future. it might be lost in translation, and in an attempt to engage with others I might sabotage myself. something I have come to realise lately is that, actually, everybody is kind of crazy. while I have come to terms with this and have accepted that I have certain quirks and traits – in fact, I like that I’m a bit jaded because it allows me to create interesting art – I still am not positive that everybody understands this. people are so quick to put themselves on a pedestal and attach bad stigmas when somebody like me is up front and honest about these things. I can guarantee you that nobody is ‘normal’, that ‘normality’ doesn’t exist in the true sense of the word… and by extension I am hoping – if I actually take this opportunity to document my thoughts – that my honesty is viewed as a good thing. that, shit, I may be crazy, but at least I’m honest. going back to what I said in a previous blog post, I’ve never hid behind false pretenses and I’d like to think the commentary I offer at least earns me some form of respect because I’m saying things that a lot of people think, but nobody says. I hate blogging (as I’ve already said) but if I have to do it, I might as well benefit from it and hope that others might too. and I might as well write about something I can go on and on and on and on and on and on about (forever).
