I am in the midst writing my Melbourne Fringe solo cabaret show, Estrella Wing, Showgirl. I lack direction and a clear grasp of what I want the show to feel like and communicate.
I am also producing the show and am in charge of marketing my own work – to coordinate my copy, media images, media releases, and other advertising collateral. The graphic artist I am working with asked for examples of work that might point him in the right direction.
It is excruciating having to create the show whilst simultaneously working to sell it. It wreaks havoc to a writing/devising process that is already difficult on its own, let alone bringing the outside, marketing gaze to a work that is nowhere near ready to be shown in public.
This stranded, in-between state is surreal. Existing amidst overwhelming expectations, voices, perspectives – others’ and my own – is surreal. Estrella Wing, Showgirl is currently sitting in the realm of magic realism. The way reality has manifested around me feels surreal and so does the fiction I create. Clashing. So much so that I can no longer keep a grasp on where my eyes, mind, and logic ends and begins.
Armonia (1956) by Remedios Varo
This painting by Remedios Varo is a strong point of inspiration for Estrella Wing, Showgirl. The main figure’s exhaustion as she labours towards creating tangible music from bits of life encapsulates my own feelings towards the creative process. Similarly, the character of Estrella uses music to attempt making sense of the chaotic world around her – her identity as an Asian-American during World War II alongside her career in a racist entertainment industry.
I also loved the figures in the walls. It’s like when you talk to yourself for extended periods of time as you clarify your own ideas to yourself – portraying that balance of the lonely and magical periods of creation.
A quite accurate piece of imagery for my show, sent to my graphic designer for inspiration. I’m not a massive fan of the image itself but the idea and paint colours are perfect. Again, the clashing of what we perceive as our “real” world and the seemingly alien burst of colour/magic/emotions that splash out at us on occasion. On a quite literal level as well, the blue/indigo/fuchsia colour palette is also the lighting design I have in mind.
OBSESSED with this collage. Estrella Wing, Showgirl is shaping up to feel fragmented because it weaves together jazz and pop tunes, spoken word, monologues, and several characters. I love this collage’s combination of vintage and 80s art pop, geometricity, skewed angles/orientations. It has a vitality and boldness about it that is irresistible. In the show, Estrella sings Ella Fitzgerald one moment then David Bowie the next. I refer to it as a “haze of eras” in my media release and it proves more and more true each time I work on the script.
So you see, I feel like everything is a mess – and it is! There is a combination of strings out there that, if I connect and tie them together the right way, will make all these different elements cohesive. The process is frustrating, more so when you know that it isn’t really about finding that combination of strings but making them. For all I know, there may not be a light at the end of this particular tunnel – I just gotta have fun and get used to the inside of that tunnel. It may turn out even better than the overrated relief of fresh air and sunlight.
