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I am in the midst writing my Melbourne Fringe solo cabaret show, Estrella Wing, Showgirl. I lack direction and a clear grasp of what I want the show to feel like and communicate.

I am also producing the show and am in charge of marketing my own work – to coordinate my copy, media images, media releases, and other advertising collateral. The graphic artist I am working with asked for examples of work that might point him in the right direction.

It is excruciating having to create the show whilst simultaneously working to sell it. It wreaks havoc to a writing/devising process that is already difficult on its own, let alone bringing the outside, marketing gaze to a work that is nowhere near ready to be shown in public.

This stranded, in-between state is surreal. Existing amidst overwhelming expectations, voices, perspectives – others’ and my own – is surreal. Estrella Wing, Showgirl is currently sitting in the realm of magic realism. The way reality has manifested around me feels surreal and so does the fiction I create. Clashing. So much so that I can no longer keep a grasp on where my eyes, mind, and logic ends and begins.

Armonia (1956) by Remedios Varo

This painting by Remedios Varo is a strong point of inspiration for Estrella Wing, Showgirl. The main figure’s exhaustion as she labours towards creating tangible music from bits of life encapsulates my own feelings towards the creative process. Similarly, the character of Estrella uses music to attempt making sense of the chaotic world around her – her identity as an Asian-American during World War II alongside her career in a racist entertainment industry.

I also loved the figures in the walls. It’s like when you talk to yourself for extended periods of time as you clarify your own ideas to yourself – portraying that balance of the lonely and magical periods of creation.

A quite accurate piece of imagery for my show, sent to my graphic designer for inspiration. I’m not a massive fan of the image itself but the idea and paint colours are perfect. Again, the clashing of what we perceive as our “real” world and the seemingly alien burst of colour/magic/emotions that splash out at us on occasion. On a quite literal level as well, the blue/indigo/fuchsia colour palette is also the lighting design I have in mind.

OBSESSED with this collage. Estrella Wing, Showgirl is shaping up to feel fragmented because it weaves together jazz and pop tunes, spoken word, monologues, and several characters. I love this collage’s combination of vintage and 80s art pop, geometricity, skewed angles/orientations. It has a vitality and boldness about it that is irresistible. In the show, Estrella sings Ella Fitzgerald one moment then David Bowie the next. I refer to it as a “haze of eras” in my media release and it proves more and more true each time I work on the script.

So you see, I feel like everything is a mess – and it is! There is a combination of strings out there that, if I connect and tie them together the right way, will make all these different elements cohesive. The process is frustrating, more so when you know that it isn’t really about finding that combination of strings but making them. For all I know, there may not be a light at the end of this particular tunnel – I just gotta have fun and get used to the inside of that tunnel. It may turn out even better than the overrated relief of fresh air and sunlight.

Exercise 1A – The 20 second shot and the 3-shot sequence.

Exercise 1B – Personal sequence homework.

Pre-Production notes:

Giraffe Cafe. 5:46 pm. This sequence features me working on my Fringe Festival show, Estrella Wing, Showgirl. I wanted to portray the creative thinking process and its moments of patience and frustration.

Post-Production notes:

Initially, I had started with a medium shot and had the sequence edited over a music soundtrack. Speaking with Paul, however, encouraged me to elongate the shots and use the sound from the cafe environment. I also ended up rearranging the clips so that it began with a close up of the notebook instead of myself.

The sound clips used does not correspond with the video clips and so you can hear the sound of the pen writing even when it is not happening on screen. Truthfully, that was just me using any semi-appropriate, decent-length sound clip I could find. Dramatically, I can justify the disjunct by suggesting that my internal world is separate from the physical world – therefore portraying the feverish haze of being “in the zone” when writing and being disconnected from my immediate surroundings.

Upon rewatching in front of the class, I was able to see how unsuccessful the rhythm I had tried to establish had been. The idea of the video was unclear and I can see how storyboarding could have formed a more solid piece of work. I still quite enjoyed the colour palette I employed and I think the ease and atmosphere of the cafe was captured. I need to learn how to watch and re-watch my edits with new eyes every time.

“A filmmaker has to pay attention to the curtains.”

“Don’t press record unless the shot brings tears to your eyes”

Paul Ritchard

The amount of care that goes into every shot is something that seems to have escaped my non-filmmaker mind. I both dread and look forward to this new sensibility that I must embrace – the technical effort and the personal investment required to create a work that I am truly proud of.

Things I did not know before:

Paying attention to eye line and the possible “equilibrium” that must be maintained when filming characters, especially in regards to the number of times and angles that certain POVs are shot.
That you generally build up to a close up. Not sure if I agree with this but I will contonue to chew over this in the coming weeks.

LOOK, I MADE A HAT

where there never was a hat

surreal. so real.

BOX. Class Exercise reflections.