1st –

I went on to Starnow and picked out a few people I liked – I then searched them and found that they looked completely different to photograph the put up. This really put me off… I have put a lot of pressure on myself, and I think not having trust in the person I am filming may impact the way I direct. I know I am just being a bit of a wuss – but I already feel a little uneasy about the process. So I have decided to film it two different ways (maybe more if I am feeling overly inspired). 

I am also cutting out the dialogue… This might be able to allow me to focus on the coverage of the scene – really lay out the scene. Think about where I want to shoot from. Location – and composition. I can also rely on me and the subject to see how we work together in the space and gather interpretations of what is expected. 


#1 Improvise with a friend 
This sounds like the lazy way – and it was proven to be difficult.
My friend was/is not an actor – and she has no intentions to be one either. So it was an awkward experience for her. I had to really accommodate to her – make sure she felt comfortable.
With the script – without dialogue, I eliminated the second character and it made about the girl. I wanted to highlight something in relation to the script (in post-proudction) I want to put subtitles over the frame. Before going into ‘filming’ I wanted to improvise the location + set + camera. But I set how to film the girl doing average things – such as reading, drinking tea, getting dressed. I was seeing it in my head how I wanted to the viewer to see it – read the subtitles but see the visuals and relate them to the girl. Such as – has she been asked to dance already, or if she was somewhere would this be happening etc. I am thinking about doing a v/o. I don’t know if subtitles will take away from the imagery – which it sometimes can because it’s hard to concentrate on two things (for me anyway).

So while filming, I brought my tripod and camera and told her briefly what I wanted to film – and she didn’t really ask if there was a script or an intention for it. She was happy to do whatever. I asked where she would do these daily tasks and she said in her room. It was night time, so there was a lot of differently lighting, but I am thinking now I would prefer to do it during the day even outside. But a better source of lighting would have been better. I set up my tripod – and it broke. I need to invest in a better tripod. But this really made me not want to film – I had two voices in my head, Paul will be angry I didn’t ‘frame up’ my shot and not using a tripod AND Maddie shit happens, go with it. So it spun me off a it, but I decided to do it – and she didn’t mind because she was still happy to do it. Which was good – because then I really didn’t know what I was going to do. There was one shot I really wanted to do – and that was come in from the door and ‘walk’ over to her and film her putting the shirt on… But we attempted this and she couldn’t do it naturally. So we scrapped that – and we just started doing something simple. I just asked her to lay down and talk to me about what she does when she is feeling good, relaxed and a little bit accomplished. She then told me that wearing nice underwear makes her feel empowered – and so I told her to put that on. We then did what we intended to do, and completely improvised. She was cold, so she left her socks on. Then i just started talking to her – and moving my camera around her body and asking her what she thought and how she felt. I did this so I could get an idea of what made her comfortable/uncomfortable.

I am not entirely happy with the content I filmed, because it really wasn’t what I wanted at all and it just isn’t thought out enough for me to actually like it…I think I may like filming the second one better, because planning will go into and hopefully a damn Tripod. I have also done something similar to this in the past… and I just feel like I am not pushing myself enough and it makes me disappointed in myself. I want to set up a crew, and do all these things – I am just not backing myself enough.

I am hoping, at this point, that I will edit this anyway.
I am so avoiding this subject a bit – because I am not pushing myself and it’s making me feel a little bit down on myself. Again that’s not an excuse. I am just extremely frustrated with myself at this moment. I just feel like I am not achieving what I want. I need someone yelling at me… or I am just over thinking it.


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