I am going to investigate acting (performing). I am going to do acting classes.

The last time I did this what 2008 (maybe) and I quit because I was given a role that was a main and couldn’t learn my lines. I quit. I always tried out for drama plays but I was nervous, and every time I was going to perform I would vomit or faint – so I kept away. I sit here angry at myself that I didn’t overcome this… Can I overcome this? Do I need to overcome this? But since I was a little girl, films have been a huge part of my life.

I have always been inspired by them. Although, I have never really investigated, within myself, why they leave me feeling so eager to create, to do, to analyse and to just imagine. I can’t come to fact as to why films can affect my whole mood and temperament.

I only like going to films with people who are willing to talk about it with me after – to come to the details and to point out how the result happened – how the actors went, how it looked etc. When I go with someone to see a film and I attempt to talk to them about the film and they just don’t react or say “it was good” – I judge the person and get angry they can’t elaborate and say why or they don’t even want to figure out why is was good. I have always done this, even before this course. This course has made me worse (in the way that I want to talk about details and everything that makes up the film I just watched) but I have always done this. Also when people say “well that was unrealistic” – I also get angry because that statement in general frustrates me. If you read that and don’t get why I get angry – then I would probably be angry at you too. So basically, I sound like an angry person. But I’m not, I swear.

Films make me feel like anything is possible (well, not all – some rarely make me feel like talking at all). The people behind in, within it, make me feel like I could do anything?! But I want to investigate why and who, and what and how. The ‘two sides’ of something that is united. The 1s and 2s (as Paul would say). I want to learn more about directors AND performers.

Last week I went to the video store. This video store has recently been made ‘smaller’ (it moved across the street into a little hole in the wall) and so I went in to rent Amelie – and was sadden by the small space. I then went back to return the film today after having a coffee with my Mum. I told mum how I am feeling lost and how I am interested in the director and the performer – and she thought it was great. She doesn’t know how I will go with acting – but she thinks I may as well “give it a crack”. She also laughed, which is a little unsettling. I was going to drop the film (making a conscious effort to call them films rather than movies) into the dropbox and I thought – I may as well go in and say hi. It seems lonely and claustrophobic. I started talking to the guy that works there (will find out his name next time) and I found he studied Media at RMIT years ago. I went in to rent ‘The Thin Red Line’ (Terrence Malick,1998), as Paul suggested, and the guy working there said “For $1 you can get two more”… So this is when he started telling me his favourite films (and I came to realise his huge knowledge of film), and his perspective on what I should watch. So I came out with The Thin Red Line, Chinatown (Roman Polanski, 1974) – his suggestion of the director Mum suggested, and Casablanca (Michael Curtiz, 1942) – as my Dad suggested because of Ingrid Bergman (actor/performer). This is what I have started off with – and I told him I would see him next week for more recommendations.

This is a part of how I am going to investigate further into the director and the performer – now I guess this includes it’s audience. Originally, I had the ‘two sides’ – but by the method of investigation I am taking, it includes the third side – the audience. Maybe I will ask people questions and let them tell me why they like/dislike the film – as just a part of working out why, which isn’t just from my point of view. Although, seeing how this goes I might want to base this on my views – and gain clarity for me for what I want to do in the future so I can work towards something. This might be me getting my groundings…

Also I am not just going to watch the films – I am going to write a post about each one. I might even delve into TV series as well. Whatever makes me feel like writing after. It might be a random film on TV that I watch and feel like talking about. The director may not be highly esteemed, and the vilm might have a ‘bad-rep’ overall (reviews etc) – but maybe this can help figure out why. I may even like it…

In each post I  write –

Film Name, Director and Year Made
Actors (selective choice)
Directors Film History 
My view / critique 
and maybe some GOOGLE facts about the Film or director if I feel like furthering my knowledge. 

I don’t know what I am doing – but to get anywhere, this is how I am going to start.

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