Kyah and I followed the Option A instructions, where I chose to respond to the ‘Boxers’ video:
MY POEM:
Watch the boxers
Brawling, but there’s no hate towards each other.
Just their sport.
Watch the lovers
Sparring, but there shouldn’t be hate towards each other.
It’s just their love.
A stroke towards his cheek
A blow that emits
An effect that drifts sweat beads supersonic.
Their words strike like fists
Their affair is like boxing
There’s only peace after the bloodshed.
Bodies slicked with wet,
Blood or sweat?
Bodies slicked with blood,
Does red mean war or love?
Bodies slicked with sweat,
Exhaustion from aggressive amusement or destructive desire?
Watch the boxers dance,
And then
Watch the lovers dance,
Is there a difference in what you see?
RESPONSE TO KYAH’S POEM:
KYAH’S POEM:
Relax
Relax into the mess
The mess that is your mind
Enjoy your thoughts
Bad, good
Dirty, chaste
Whether they are helpful or detrimental
Wallow in your thoughts
Explore
Venture to the corners of your conscious
Uncover secrets not even you knew
Travel through your thoughts
Feel as if you are in an unknown place
Recline back into comfort
A place where you are completely you
Where you know the inner workings
Where you can steer the path of your pleasure
Become reckless
Defy what you thought you knew
Thrash and smash down your barriers
Your psyche, a prison cell
Holding you captive from expansion
Run away
Leave your thoughts behind
What you know no longer matters
What you want to know is who you are to become
Destined for greatness, held back by nothing
Fall
Realise that running isn’t always the answer
Being in a place of comfort
Doesn’t mean being in a place of immobility
A flower blooms best in its natural habitat
Enjoy your thoughts
Set yourself the task of exploration
Come home to your true self
Break down the walls of comfort
Run through unchartered territory
Fall back into yourself
Relax
Relax into the mess
The mess that is your mind
I really liked how both of your poems played off one another in the depicting tensions of relationships and individuality/personal space (the first being a very soft and hard on the edges, the second forming a psychological insight of an individual) The analogy use of boxing to contrast that play is really fitting as well. The video showed a very simple portrayal of the first poem, especially the gazes and the lingering touch (though I was wondering why the camera stayed on for too long as the guy lies back) and it was very fitting towards the second poem. You guys did well :3
I like the way the video plays with time. I think you could explore further in this direction. I like the framing of different parts of the body, and wonder whether these shots would sit better first, before we see the entire body… not sure… I think you can take more time with it, it would work as a longer piece.
In the poem I think the repetition works well. I don’t think you need to do so much literal and explicit ‘comparative’ work. How could you make this dynamic, this ‘dance’, more subtle?
I think you guys have done a great job of exploring the internal conflict from the boxers video. Sophia’s poem makes good use of contrast, reflecting the duality present in the original video. There are some really gorgeous lines in there.
Kyah’s poem is quite introspective and also utilises comparison to discuss the conflict between the dancers/boxers and the conflict within themselves.
I found the tone of the video to be different from that of the poems. I didn’t get the same sense of tension, and I think it could have been interesting to watch that internal conflict play out on screen. Overall, really nice work!
I actually really enjoyed reading/viewing each piece without the context of their origins: they’re pretty powerful by themselves.
Starting with Kyah’s poem. I felt that I could really sit and “ponder” on this one. The length of the poem invited me to feel out each line and relate it to the next. I also found it appropriate to fully flesh out the idea of the conscious mind and how we treat our thoughts.
Sophia’s video: the cinematography wasn’t what I expected – I think in any traditional form the camera would have been still, but the camera movement informed me that you had something to say… Perhaps that what your character was thinking wasn’t simply peaceful, but complex… Fueled by something more. Together with Kyah’s poem I feel like there’s a great narrative underpinning these media.
Sophia’s poem: The comparison you’ve made with lovers and boxers is really lovely, and you’ve achieved it in a really delicate manner. You’ve paid attention to the choreography that both parties perform physically and twisted them to supply a different meaning, turning things on its head. Such a nice read 🙂
really liked the simplicity of this video. I appreciated the camera movements and the fact that it could be interpreted in multiple ways. It was rather beautiful. I think the poem really tied itself into it and collectively, they compliment each other well.
This one was really simple but it works all so well. The ambience and the almost static shots really give this piece a sense of peace. It was very relaxing to watch and I would love to see this extended to about 3 minutes and we see some of the running shots become more developed.