Im being serious
So this is probably gonna be the most random yet honest post that ive put up. And look its not going to be as coherent or as literate as to the one im referencing and thats a flaw of mine but oh well who gives a fuck its a blog and i dont have a way with words. And ill probably go off topic multiple times.
Anywho, about an hour ago i was alerted by text by a friend, yes friend that i had my blog linked too. My first reaction was surprise then apprehensive cause i know well sort of know this persons tendencies. So i jumped on and had a read. I wont lie, i was a little concerned at the start but well now ive ended up here and thats a good thing. His post was both saddening yet funny at the same time.
I remember back when he told me some personal problems that were going on, we were at ABC having $4 pizzas and oddly enough i cant remember what i had but im fairly certain he had a BBQ chicken pizza (i may be wrong) and yes its weird that recall things like that but forgotten why i’ve started writing this blog. i hadnt known him for too long but there was something about him.. i’d say damaged and i hope this doesnt offend you but i was intrigued and well it was sort of obvious. Please corret me if im wrong. I read your journal and intrigued turned into fear… not of him but it was fear. Yes um look im sorry because i was mostly like in the “im so sorry” field speaking and thats because im socially and emotionally inept.
I apologize for not having kept in regular contact or even asked about how the situation has been going and really i have no excuse for it. Its the way i am.. i get lazy,selfish, i drop off and i know that i said we would catch up and maybe when you texted that was your way of saying i want to talk. And dont worry we will catch up ill make it happen eventually. And its not because of pity or because you wrote that post (partially) its because i actually want to.
Alot of what you wrote really resonates with me I’m a bit of a split personality sort of person. Most people know me as Myyen the outgoing loud one that gets drunk alot and is always the last to go home. And then theres the other me, easily frustrated, short tempered and sometimes destructive. Im weird in my own rights too, i love to be around people to feel less alone but i really dont have any close friends bar probably one and im thankful for her. Its odd because as much as i like to be around people i love to be by myself more. Thats when my thoughts wonder and take me from reality.
hahaah and yes you do over think things quite abit but i do too so dont worry ! And youre also painstakingly emotional. trust me overthnking gets me to dark places very quick and its bad for you so try not to do it. But im glad that youre not depressed nor are you ending your life sorry to be dramatic because well youre my friend. As much as we havent spoken lately you still are. And i wont say i love you awks cause well im very cynical of that word and theres very few people that i feel like i physically love in this world if any. I dont even really love myself and thats an issue of its own.
I really am confused about this whole blog ad what in the actual fuck im trying to say so ill dot point a few things thats its probably centred around:
-i hate phone calls and awkward face to face convos because i judge and get annoyed so text is probably the best way if you need to talk.. or well blogs seem to work
-you are my friend
-you are too hard on yourself
At the beginning of this year we recorded ourselves saying one word
Your word was discombobulated ( i didnt even know what that meant ) but its so indicative of you. Nad in a way we are all confused some people just hide it better. its sort of how i feel right now to be truthful.
My word was searching… im always searching because well I’m never quite satisfied and frankly it means that im constantly on the move on the look out for something which is good because i hate being static. Im always seeking someone or something but mostly someone. ive found a few things and this is one of them. Ive found that i see alot of myself in others it takes others to realize things i didnt in myself before Ive found a friend who has in a way not to be cliche that changed my life in the most minute yet significant way so thank you.Its made me open up and write this something i never thought id do and i well feel slightly better. Not that i was sad or anything it just feel well at ease. And yes some people and i hope none will read this and think shes fucked up or feel sad but thats fine but dont. Because i hate sympathising cause im shit at it and when its for me i hate it twice as much. Im content with who i am this is me, I’m embarrassed but not ashamed. And as i said before im selfish as you can see because this was suppose to be a post about a friend but its revolved around me.
But yeah i wont ask you if youre ok ( i might accidently ) instead ill ask you how you are?
You are my friend and im grateful for it. If you need to talk then text me 🙂 ahah dont do anything stupid (highly unlikely)
And take me on one of those crazy night adventures that you go on i seriously love that stuff. Lastly let people in… but less publicly more privately though ( you can be abit too open).
Thats all have a good night. Much