Here is our group essay we recently completed and the feedback received was not as great as I thought it’d be, however after reading the feedback I do understand where Adrian was coming from. I think the general just of it is to go further in our ideas to tell the reader what things actually mean. I think as a group we needed to maybe have more of a discussion and talk about how as a bedroom we can further go into what it means to be as a thing and not just to us. To also not generalise as much, we needed to allow our ideas to focus less on us as humans and more on the objects we surround ourselves and to focus on why this happens.
I will take this feedback on board for our next individual and other group assessments.
The writing was less of a problem than approaching the conversation/argument you were making. Your relation to the idea of a bedroom became central, and you perhaps weren’t aware of this. You might have been able to justify it, but as it snuck in it became something underwriting what you write and the manner in which it was unnoticed mattered.