Kaya's 'blog'

I think we were putting too much pressure on ourselves. We had these big ideas but lacked the necessities and skills to create them. Simplifying our ideas and spreading the workload was our only option and to be honest the best option. I was able to work mostly on the Essay Film and this helped to narrow down an established setting for it, my bedroom. I don’t like to use covid-19 isolation as an excuse for not creating the best assignments and works, but I’ve realised that it doesn’t need to be an excuse, it can be a gift. In this case it helped to create what I believe is a really great draft, that it’s really close to finalising the Essay Film.

I made my own little small poem film for our assignment (unfortunately I can’t upload it here because the file is too big but this is a clip from it). I’m really proud of it and how I’ve incorporated non-representational theory throughout it. It is an interrogation of the body.

Chosen line to explore from Jess’ When You Grow Up

“Memories can be reconstructed, they can be manipulated and changed.”

 

Instant ideas I got after choosing this line to explore

–   Spinning?

–   Different POV’s?

–   Were they dreams or actual moments? Eg. When I fell and scraped my arm at school and my brother ran to the office to get band-aids – He can’t remember this memory and no one else who was there can, but I remember it so clearly. I remember it being real.

–   A beautiful lake turns into the dark roads with the broken streetlights.

 

Clips created and their summaries/meanings

Dizzy and Fall

• My first attempt at trying to create a spinning effect to stimulate disturbed memory
• It didn’t turn out exactly how i imagined it would but I think the fall towards the end is quite powerful in establishing a notion of rest – the moment where real or imagined memory is no longer of importance
• The dizziness was intended to exhibit manipulation as well – but I think that manipulation is impossible when using it against something you believe was real – so maybe the fall at the end is more justified because of this

Dizzy

• My second attempt at trying the spinning effect – this time it turned out much more true to what I had imagined – with the addition of ‘dents’ in the nature of it’s fast turning
• This idea of ‘dents’ in theclips was unintended but I think it is an amazing way to depict how manipulation can always be seen after the memory is reconstructed – A metaphor for scars on the skin can be accompanied here

Collapse

• I zoomed into a beautiful tree at the front of my house to depict what I try to focus on within my memories – In turn highlighting what I try to leave out
• In focusing on this tree the other memories around it push and tug on it and create riffs – these riffs eventually take over and force the memory to collapse on itself

Chosen line to explore from Sam’s The Martyr

“at seventeen I have an insatiable appetite for youth”

 

Instant ideas I got after choosing this line to explore

–   Don bosco church? Sadly someone I grew up with passed away at 20 and his funeral was at this church – The church of our primary school that we had always gone to during our years there

–   School uniform still sitting in my sisters closet

–   Discouragement from ‘elder’ conquests – shopping by yourself, paying bills etc.

–   Playing games by yourself? DS, Wii – things you want to hold onto again but know will never have the same impact

–   Intentional lack of exploring romance – the only apps on your phone are games

–   Sense of nausea for some reason?

–   2 feet from the TV, staring at it from the floor of the living room

 

Clips created and their summaries/meanings

School Box (too big of a file to insert into post)

• This box just sits in my closet – Absolutely no need for it other than to look at it every couple of years and say “aw…. remember this”. My appetite for youth can be seen in this box. I have suppressed it just enough to not have it plastered on my bedroom wall to glance at everyday – but i still have an appetite enough to keep it in my presence

Box stored

• The box is packed up again, just like always, and just like every time I look at it for 5 minutes because I remembered it was there, I pack it up and put it away behind closed doors
• My appetite for youth suppressed again, only to come out in the next couple months when I clean my room again

Nausea

• This notion came to me as if it said “Hi look! It’s me! You’ve never noticed me before but i’m here!”
• I tried to depict it the best way i could in the clip
• This sense of nausea comes from an inability to have a healthy balance between my relationship with my youth and my relationship with my present self – like a metamorphosis that is never completed

Soft Choreography: WEEK 6 BLOG POST

 

I’m satisfied.

 

This might seem like a bleak stance on the position I find myself in, after these 6 weeks of experimenting and developing skills in this class, but this is, for the most part, a good thing.

 

Going into this course and into this assessment of ‘blogging’, I had no idea what to expect. Though it seemed pretty straight forward I found it difficult to grasp what the class needs from me and what I need from myself, to receive good feedback and pride in my work. This left the door wide open to engage with a never-ending scale of ideas, and I am very appreciative of that.

However, there is a lot that I find myself reflecting on, both around the blogging and just simple participation in this class. I see this reflection now, occurring within all aspects of my life and beyond the creative. I keep mulling over the best ways I can do things and how I can improve on them. What I could be doing and what I should be doing have always interlapped throughout my mind for most of my teenage to adult life, and I’ve just now noticed this because of Soft Choreography. I realise that through what we’ve learnt from non-representational theory, phenomenology, soft choreography in itself, and the other ongoing aspects of this class, these elements of my mind will never end, and may have never begun. Whilst I’m still longing to come to complete terms that maybe there is no distinct meaning for what we are learning, or that maybe the theories are just too complex for there to be one, I understand that this is helping my growth as a human; in every possible aspect.

 

You will notice in some of my posts I have briefly reflected on my thoughts after the works had been completed, and after I had viewed the works of my classmates. You will then notice my despair.

The anxiousness, disappointment and dullness that I felt and exhibited through those reflections, is a gift to me. Like I explained before, satisfaction is nice. I enjoy being able to use the cons of my satisfaction as a growing point, and for other creations to be the reason for this. It means I am challenged and want to challenge myself because of them.

To extend this feeling into new creative approaches, I found myself noticing patterns in my posts. For example, you can see that in my first couple of posts my videos have a similar editing style, whereas in the most recent one it is quite different. I was forced into making something different because of the task that was set, but it was at this time that I wanted to as well.

I really do wish I took different approaches and stepped out of my comfort zone earlier on within the blog weeks, so that I could have developed my skills and outlooks on ideas further, but because of the constraints we had (Covid) I initially felt that it’d be best to stick with what I know.

 

Constantly engaging with other creator’s works has become a huge motivator and I’ve noticed that it can act as somewhat of a skill. Skill in the sense that it can help to enhance my own work and drive. I found that after watching other classmates’ essay and poem films for example, I was fishing out more ideas within my mind, on ways to enhance my own work and step into new and approachable directions. Prada and Tehya’s works specifically stood out to me, as they both seemed to put a lot of time and thought into creating their pieces, and it didn’t seem at all like they let the restrictions of Covid stand in their way. I admire this because I think that at this time in the world, we are easily given the ability to become still in our making. This can be because of the Covid related or non-related restrictions and constraints, both in the world and in our own lifestyle. When people are able to keep in the bounds of these and still create something that pushes the task to a height that is beyond what is expected, it makes me want to do the same. It motivates me.

 

So yes, ultimately, I am satisfied.

I know I will be able to keep pushing my works and ideas forward.

And this satisfaction becomes lust for better creations.

Soft Choreography: WEEK 5 BLOG POST

 

Reflection:

I’ve done it again.

I’ve made something off of an initial idea, uploaded it, was proud of it, watched other peoples versions of it, and now am disappointed in mine.

I’m still, and honestly think I will constantly be questioning what an essay film is, or rather, what classifies it as an essay film. Because of this, I decided to go forward with an improvised emotion, reaction and script, for the voice-over of this short clip. I recorded my own piece of improv whilst watching this clip for the first time, because I felt that it exhibited a sort of autonomy as to what the clip is, and maybe that it’s questioning can or should never be answered.

Yes, I’m happy with it. Maybe not proud of it anymore, but I think that’s okay. Others work in this class really never phases to excite me and make me doubt my own work. This may be a flaw of mine but I definitely am optimistic in where it can take me. I do feel very challenged in how to improve my own creations and ways of creating because of this, and I really like that.

Soft Choreography: WEEK 4 Blog Post

Original Poem by Mary Oliver

Reflection:

I was extremely excited about creating this ‘poem film’ because I automatically came to an idea after reading this poem, ‘Beans’ by Mary Oliver. After spending a couple hours editing this piece together I watched it over, finalised it, and appreciated what I had produced.

Then I watched everyone else’s.

I’m now disappointed in mine.

I completely understand that what I created was what I set out to; depict my interpretation of what the ‘beans’ represent (to me it was innocence, and so I depicted that through children and animals). I put a fair amount of work and thought in doing so and I am proud of that, even though I used videos I already had in my files (since we can’t leave the house I felt it was my only option). However, it feels too comfortable now. I feel like I’ve not pushed the boundaries of what a poem film can be, or rather what I can create in general. I’m glad I have noticed this and am happy that I came to this realisation after viewing others works. That way at least I’ll get to apply what I’ve learnt from them in the upcoming assessments 🙂

Soft Choreography: WEEK 3 BLOG POST

(Reflection on in-class presentation)

 

Am I more passive towards the moving image itself?

Here, I’ve applied sound to help myself become more aware of my tactile experience, throughout my mind and body.

Perception disassembled the passiveness I noticed in either my mind or body previously, when they were the only entities being examined.

So since sound effects my body more than my mind, maybe I’ve come to realise that I might have never been encased in passive perception to begin with.

 

 

Songs Used:

Frank Ocean – Higgs

070Shake – Guilty Conscience

 

Soft Choreography: WEEK 2 BLOG POST

 

‘Representational terms’

A lady bug floats in the humans indulgence

‘Non-representational intention’

The lady bugs becoming is still present with its life still, as the human and non-human run along the same stream

 

 

 

 

Is this correct?

Does it need to be correct?

 

It’s been difficult to figure out where to ‘begin’ in the making process of non-representational theory. First off, it’s been difficult to figure out where to ‘begin’ in the making process of something that I can’t get a grasp on. Last week we were asked to figure this out, but my thoughts are still unwritten. This theory has educated me in a way that is difficult for me to explain. Is it meant to be the successor to post-modernism? To demolish power systems? I wrote down that it “questions the system of knowledge”, this might be why I’m having some difficulty. I believe the system of knowledge is how we are educated, how we form our views on what we are educated about, when that is challenged it creates an autonomy that I think makes me uncomfortable. Uncomfortable by the realisation that there is no set system. Uncomfortable by the realisation that I have to make my own.

 

Mette Ingvartsen’s The Artificial Nature Project (2012) and Lin Hwai-min’s Cursive (2001) were interesting non-representational performances to watch. From a non-representational perspective of viewing you could say that one could experience growth from them. These works can open one up to the complex and intricate detailing of something that may feel incomplete or lacking a clear intention. Applying this viewing experience to these works can reveal both human and non-human influence. Whilst I was viewing it I attempted this perspective and was able to open my mind to experience beyond what I think I can understand. I was able to understand that allowing this vibrancy to my own system of experience created a sense of abundance and limitlessness.

 

To explore non-representational theory in the act of making and doing, I offered a representational sentence to my group: “the fish is swimming”. I don’t know if this works? Since it is just prose, but I know that it is not non-representational because it doesn’t get at the complexity of the fish. Or maybe it opens up the question of its complexity? There is no set role for a fish in the way that there is no set meaning that non-representational theory wants to fix.

 

I think that the techniques that can be established in using non-representational theory are dependent on the subject it is being used on and for. However, I can see that the constant relevant technique, is questioning and including. To have no boundaries and no set structure. Something very liberating in creative processes and outcomes.

 

To set a task for someone else with the rule to explore non-representational theory would be very difficult, mostly because I find it hard to explore is myself. I’d probably guide them to start off with a simple sentence and move with no limit. Perhaps with a fish?

Soft Choreography: WEEK 1 BLOG POST 2

 

Why did you choose the studio? What will you find easy/fun/enjoyable?

• Interested in learning about the craft of essay & poem films
• The practical aspect to the studio

 

What will you find challenging/frustrating?

• Readings
• If I feel like I’m not learning anything

 

What are your strengths?

• ?

 

What are your weaknesses?

• Motivation (I can be lazy)
• The way I structure writings (clarity)

 

Which skills do you want to develop in this studio?

• Clarity in assignments/how I explain and support myself

How do you think you might do that?

• Drafting more than I usually do
• Having people read over my work/getting lots of feedback before submission