So I love a metaphor, most writers do, I really don’t understand writers who don’t love a metaphor I mean how are you supposed to convey stuff to people if you can’t compare it to something else.

So, crossing the road. When you cross the road there are at least four problems to be aware of;

1. the cars that might hit you
2. the trams that might hit you
3. your idiot friend who crosses like she has a death wish and if you don’t follow her you get left behind and if you do follow her your chances of being hit increase by 50%
4. the crushing time pressure of existence

And making these films feels a bit like crossing the road at the moment. There’s so many variables that feel like they are about to hit me and I’ve got to make it to the other side unscathed. The other side being the finishing of the video. And it just feels all a lot uncertain right now.

My house-mate’s been forcing me to leave the house for half an hour each day. Which has solved at least one of my problems, in that I’ve been using those walks to collect footage for the films. Tree’s, churches, all the things that don’t exist inside a house.

And I’ve been writing my section of the essay film. Which feels a lot like I’m very good at the wax poetic thing and very bad at the creating substance thing. I’ve got a lot of words that don’t interconnect and at the end of the day don’t really mean anything anyway.

And I’ve been thinking a fair bit about how our essay film relates to phenomenology because I know that’s a requirement of the task and it’s gotta be the secret to unlocking the puzzle that is this essay film. And so during my four am spiral thoughts because I don’t sleep easy anymore I thought about what would happen if the segments that we split the film into would be if they were different versions of the same story? If they proved by virtue of their existence the different ways that stories can exist and change, and if they allowed for the meaning, the pleasure of the film to be created by the meaning in between them. By the meeting of the many. And then I wondered if something like that had to be tangible, or if it was enough to make it, say I know it’s there as the filmmaker but you as the viewer should take whatever you want from it. Is it enough?

So I know these updates should be like everything is going great, but things are going, great is fake and stress is real but I can see the other side of the road. It is possible to get there. That’ll do.