I kept it simple this week. The concept of an essay film was one I struggled to grasp and to be honest I’m still not sure that I got it (I feel like I end up saying that a lot). This has been a bad week, so it makes sense that that was the vibe I latched onto for my essay film. Plus I love a good metaphor. I resonated with the personal aspect of the essay film and the idea of posing questions rather than an argument with concrete conclusions. But at the same time I feel as a creative I often how to curate a finished work that it’s hard to think of trying to create a work where the end point is still in motion, where you pull back the curtain and let the viewer see the process. In some ways the concept of an essay film feels like the behind the scenes extra on a dvd.

I also wanted to do the footage myself, and I’m kind of disappointed that I didn’t get to do the whole film from scratch, so I think I struggled with that. In some ways having the visual already was a good exercise, and the parameters were kind of nice, but in other ways because my understanding of the essay film was that you provided a very personal take, I struggled to implant that onto footage that I had not filmed myself or conceived of myself.

But I’ve managed to produce something. And I don’t hate it. I think I enjoy the mismatch between the visuals and the audio, I also hope that my audio puts doubt into the visuals, as poses questions about what one is watching unfold. Truth is a construct built differently by everyone and this time I offer you just the building blocks rather then the finished masterpiece. Build your own truth folks.

Sure this video means one thing to me, I had one intent. I offer you the idea that for this video we try for death of the author. I constructed one narrative, but it is not the only one, it’s not the only story that this tells.

tw: implied suicidal ideation