Final Reflection PB4

Having never really considered the world of a film in much depth before, this studio seemed really intriguing to me. Diving deep into screen worlds of screenplays was something I had never undertaken before so that in itself served as some of the best learning tasks I’ve had in this entire course. Another World as a studio, taught me to look at specific choices a screenwriter makes when building a world and telling a story. Things that can often get looked over if you aren’t looking deep enough.

When we started looking at creating our own worlds, I initially struggled with this because of how daunting the task seemed, having to create this new world with it’s own tone, ideologies, pace and so many other elements. We had to create this world with it’s own internal logic. I knew I wanted to create a world for the form of a short film, so I begin thinking about the type of world I wanted to work with. From the beginning of this studio I was more drawn to the film worlds we explored that had a focus on it being isolated or enclosed, without much outside influence, so I decided I’d create a world to match that. The main film world I looked into was the world of Stanley Kubrick’s 1980 classic The Shining, a film that simply could not have taken place anywhere but the mountain-isolated Overlook Hotel. There’s a lack of a sense of community, which almost makes it feel as though outside the frames of the film, nothing exists, which is something that I also really wanted to work with in my world.

Deciding on the starting perimeters of my world, I decided I wanted to work within the walls of an old fashioned movie theatre. Creating characters for this world came really easy to me at this point, because since I knew of the tone the world had, I knew the sorts of characters that would exist within it. I decided on three characters who were from this world, who all worked there and all were very strange eccentric characters. Before building the synopsis of the film, I knew I wanted to have a fourth character who wasn’t from the world and worked as naive eyes for the audience to view this world. His name is Frank.

Writing the script for this film was so exciting for me. When I had a very rough draft, we worked in workshop groups and it was so interesting because so many people asked me all these questions about my world that I honestly wouldn’t have considered if it weren’t for this format of feedback. My script went through so many different changes each workshop and I’m so grateful that we had those sessions. Little bits of dialogue and tones people added to them in table reads made me realise different parts of my characters I didn’t see before.

In the final table read in the last week of classes, there was an open conversation after where we could ask questions about our script. Being able to ask questions I had about my own script really worked well because there were almost debates between people on how they saw aspects of it, like the ending. Two people completely disagreed with each other on how they thought the ending worked and it was put to me that the ending should be a result of how I want the audience to feel and that really helped me in deciding the final aspects of the script.

Looking back to how I thought about films and screenplays at the start of this studio, I have honestly learnt so much invaluable things that I will further apply to my creative practices. I have this new way of thinking about screen worlds and having my final proof of narrative for my research project, I’m really happy with my first attempt at creating my own world.


RODEO Proof of Narrative



The Shining. (1980). [film] Directed by S. Kubrick.


I declare that in submitting all work for this assessment I have read, understood and agree to the content and expectations of the assessment declaration.

Draft of final Script

RODEO screenplay draft

Above is the draft of my final script for the short RODEO.

One regret I have over the process of developing a draft for my screenplay, is not saving different versions of drafts. I have the first two pages of script that I worked on that I put in a post for pb3 on my work-in-progress:


It would’ve been interesting to see the little changes I made and what I thought worked better after a few weeks of the table workshops. Doing read throughs during the studio workshops really benefited me because I got to see how it flowed when read aloud and also just how people reacted to the action of the script and whether they enjoyed it or not.

Waverley Cinema Facebook

I went on the Waverley Cinema Facebook page to contact them about possibly using them as a location for a short film and I went through some of their display pictures and I almost laughed at how outdated some of their photos were and it actually is as though they’re stuck in a different time to what we’re in now.


Movie theatre Location

Last night I went back to the cinema that I had in mind for using as the location for my short film. I used to go quite a lot with my dad when I was a bit younger but haven’t been in a while so it had this really nostalgic feel when I visited again. I took some videos on my phone to give a sort of reference to the mood that I’m hoping this cinema will give; with a sort of stuck in time vibe with the old sign and old novelty carpet. So far I’ve used the video without sound because I think it gives it a colder viewing, but I may work further in creating an atmospheric track to go with it, to further implement the mood. Even just with this sort clip, I feel as though it helps boost my script so far because working alongside with giving the reader an image to put in their head. I also decided last night that I want to try and create a storyboard. I never even considered doing one before my pitch but I think it would truely give the visuals I want to show which is important to the project.

Jen’s version of Frank’s most embarrassing moment

“Frank is a typical chubby six year old kid from the ‘burbs. His first day at school would stick with him for the rest of his life. His mother told him that he would have to wear his brother’s hand me down school uniform, however when he pulled the black slacks over his hips, the button wouldn’t reach the button hole. He pushed his stomach in, and reached around as tight as he could but it wouldn’t catch. He put on his black track pants instead of the uniform. His mother called his name and told him to put on his uniform. He stood in the living room, wearing a tight fitting blue shirt, with pouches of fat sticking out, with the tight pants undone at the front, while his mother pushed in his stomach fat, and his brother fit the button into the hole. The muffin top was pronounced, so he tried to hide it with the school jumper, however the jumper would bunch up at the back and he would have to constantly pull it down. Later that day on the playground, Frank watched the basketball game because he could hardly walk in his tight pants. The kids who were playing looked like they were having a great time, laughing as they shot hoops. Frank wanted to join in, or to just be invited. Glassy eyed, he stood at the end of the court watching, until the ball bounced right in front of him. Instinctively, he bent over to pick up the ball, however the button on his pants popped off, and the back of his pants split. Mortified, he ran to the toilets, and waited until the end of the school day to walk home. Pulling his jumper below his bottom to hide the damage. The next day everyone was looking at him and murmuring under their voices. He was wearing his track pants, along with a note from his mother explaining his attire. In class the teacher called him out and asked him why he wasn’t in uniform. He sheepishly walked to the front of class and handed her the note. The teacher shrugged it off and told his to sit back down in his seat. He thought that he would never live down the shame of his pants explosion.”


I really enjoyed this take that Jen had on Frank as a character, because there is a moment in the script where it says: “Frank opens his wallet. Empty. He smiles awkwardly and waves his hand slightly and takes a few steps back before he heads towards the cinema.” This extract shows that he’s inadequate. He’s a bit of a pathetic man. So this look into his childhood matches that really well, with this embarrassing moment happen to him, where it starts to appear as though it’s common place in his whole life for demeaning things to happen.

Frank’s most embarrassing moment

Frank had a membership to a 24 hour gym that was about a 15 minute walk from his house and he would’ve cancelled it but he was locked into a 12 month contract so he had another 8 months left. He decided one night after work that the money eating keycard in his wallet shouldn’t go unused, so he drove his car the walkable distance to the gym. When he pulled up into a car space he grabbed his empty bag and had a small towel in one hand and closed the door with his foot. He put the towel in the bag and went to lock the door when he noticed the key still in the ignition. He dropped the bag and grabbed the handle with two hands and began to pull at it, not accepting his fate that the car had locked on him. The turned his back to the car and put his head in his hands, but decided he’d deal with it later. He grabbed his gym bag and walked to the automatic door at the front of the gym. The receptionist looked at him with a large grin as if he could be a possible new customer, but when Frank scanned his key card, her grin sank because the gym already had a hand in his wallet, he was of no benefit to her. Frank slowly steps on to the last remaining treadmill and his walking pace leads into an awkward slow running, with a speed that would be too fast to walk on but too slow to carry a good stride. As soon as he reaches a normal running speed, his towel falls off the drink rest of the machine and falls under his foot as it slams onto the belt and he loses his footing and bangs his head on the arm holds and then again on the base of the machine. He is sent flying about 3 metres backwards and is left lying motionless in the fetal position. After about 12 seconds he comes to and realises that no one has left their exercise and even given him an inch of their attention as he still lay next to a rack of dumbbells. Feeling both a little embarrassed and insulted he rushes out the automatic door and to his car, wanting to get back to home and safety as quick as he can. He grabs the handle to his car and lets out a big sigh. He doesn’t even have a phone to call RACV.

Reflection on feedback

As Stayci said to me, the pitches weren’t just to receiving constructive criticism but that it’s also important for our developing practises to reflect on what we’ve done well/what’s working. Upon receiving feedback after my pitch, I was quite disappointed that the main thing I took from it was that each of the panelists really liked the aesthetic vision I was presenting and that they’d love to see the final product. There were such positive comments, but I usually feel as though I benefit greater by receiving feedback on what I could work on, not what’s working. But thinking positively about what the panelists did enjoy about my pitch, could actually benefit me further. Since the aesthetic of my world is what really stuck with the panelists, I know that’s what I should probably explore more than story and character, which wasn’t the direction I originally saw for myself. Considering this, I may start to put the screenplay on the back-burner, but with that being said, I do want to at least try and write some scenes but purely to build my skill in writing.

Stayci also mentioned that I shouldn’t get too married to my synopsis. Looking back at my pitch, I really should have rearranged the order of it. I never intended to pitch a story for a short film, but because I gave the synopsis before even talking about my world, it gave off the impression that I was set in stone with creating this film with the world just being a small part of it. Even though following the synopsis I did talk a lot about my world’s perimeters and style inspiration, I could’ve started with this and made a much stronger pitch. Although, I don’t think I need to be that beat up about it, because my synopsis is quite light, as it just follows a middle-aged man through this unfamiliar world.

I really enjoyed hearing one of the panelists describe my world as “quirky” because this was actually one of the words I was working with in the early development stages of building my world. It was also interesting that my unexplained musical number was reminiscent to her of Twin Peaks, one of my inspirations, and more specifically the dream scenes in the red room, with the dwarf in a red suit dancing on the lino floors. Another panelist described my world as being a “Wes Anderson look with a David Lynch happenings”, and if that isn’t a compliment I don’t know what is. David Lynch has always been a strong source of inspiration for me in terms of subject and style, so I’m not very surprised that his name came up in feedback, but Wes Anderson wasn’t exactly the person I thought my aesthetic vision would relate to. I’ve always thought of Wes Anderson’s style as quite pretentious. I appreciate him as a director and his ability to capture stunning images through perfectly angled shots and the quirky personalities of his characters but I still thought of him as pretentious and found his films boring. Although now thinking about his work after learning about worlds in this studio, I have a new respect for him. Wes Anderson creates very strong worlds, both visually and in narrative because he has clear rules when it comes to his worlds and he doesn’t break them. One of his more heavy films is Moonrise Kingdom, in terms of subject matter and rules of the world, specifically being that death is allowed, unlike some of his where there is a layer of safety. I think I’m more open to hear the similarity my work has to him now than I was before this studio, so I’m definitely going to look more into his work and draw some inspiration from his worlds.

One concern I had with pitching without many visual aids is that I wouldn’t be able to express the visuals I have so strongly in my own head. But after this feedback I was proven wrong and I’m really happy with that. Whether it be from the few visual aids I did provide, or the way I communicated my world, the vision I have is obviously strong enough to convey to an audience through a pitch.

Moving forward from this feedback, I think I have a clear idea of where I’m heading, for at least the next few weeks. Since this studio is about world and not story, I should focus less on how I want to structure my narrative and what I want to happen, if I were to continue with a screenplay, I would need to focus on how I’d go about describing my world through text. I want to continue on with the goal of creating a mood reel. This will be really important in communicating the film world and style and I think it’s really necessary for the sort of world I want to convey.


Moonrise Kingdom. (2012). [film] Directed by W. Anderson.


Short film development project: RODEO

A middle aged man finds himself in the bizarre world of an old movie theatre, with a set of peculiar employees to match. All he wanted was a viewing experience, he just didn’t need the ticket to see it.

-Isolated suburban movie theatre
-Empty parking lot
-Novelty carpet and old fashioned cinema decor
-Appropriately uniformed employees
-Empty foyer
-Light background music, no chatter
-Smell of fresh popcorn

Parameters of the world:
-World is frozen in time and place
-A fishbowl never to be touched
-No outside influence
-World familiar characters act on a loop


Retro movie cinema

Aesthetic inspiration:

-Oranges and greens
-Neon lighting


Two types: from this world and not

-Protagonist is a visitor in this world
-Challenged by the unfamiliarity of the employees as he engages with them
-He is affected by the world
-Employees are not affected by his presence 


-The protagonist is being put through a pinball machine
-Strange interactions with employees
-Unexplained music number with a disco ball and a cowboy hat
-World bleeds out into his world



-Finalize script
-Scout a location
-Workshop 1 or 2 scenes
-Mood reel (audio & visual elements)


Draft Script

Since writing a brief run through of the story I want to explore my world with, I began writing the first draft of my screenplay (the first few scenes at least). I think the main problem I’ve found with writing my screenplay, is that it doesn’t quite capture the essence and style I want to convey. Because my world is so heavy on it’s visuals, just reading the screenplay, it comes across as quite dry. I don’t have a great deal of experience in writing screenplays, so this probably is one of the reasons why I’m not exactly happy with it. When I’m talking about my world to other people, I feel like I’m able to really explain the rules and the world itself, but when it comes to defining it in a screenplay I’m not quite sure how to get there. Reading this first draft, I know that I need to work on describing the setting. I tried to give little details like the sounds of popping from the popcorn machine, but I’m scared to add in too much of those sorts of details, but then again, how much is too much? I’m not sure yet. I feel like I’ve got the basics of each scene down; I describe the characters (not in too much detail) and the motivation of the protagonist and the action that occurs from that.

Initially my aim for the ‘proof-of-narrative’ was to finalise a screenplay, but after writing this draft, it’s made me realise that to really communicate the world and the style, I will probably need to accompany it with visual and audio components. I’m not saying that I’m going to try and make this short film, but maybe more of a mood reel. I’ve never made a mood reel before so that in itself will be an interesting task for me. I think a mood reel may actually be more difficult to create than a scene from the screenplay, but I think I need to challenge myself and try and create this visual world that I have in my head and have tried to put on paper.


There are three films that have been really inspiring me during the creation of my world, and they are: Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining, David Lynch’s Blue Velvet and Oliver Stone’s Natural Born Killers. These three films also all share quite dark tones due to the genres (mystery, horror, crime), which also lead to inspiration for my project, as I see the world to have quite a creepy feel to it.

I’ve written earlier in the semester about how I have been inspired by the world created in The Shining, and how the isolation of the world can create such a haunting mood and drive the narrative. But even though the film has such dark tones, it still is visually stunning in it’s use of colour. You’re so submerged in this world of colour that you almost forget the looming danger and insanity that runs through the halls of the Overlook Hotel. The colours are used in juxtaposition to the drama occurring, which is something I want to explore in my film, by using bright colours and somewhat darker tones and moods.

(The Shining, 1980)

David Lynch has always been a great inspiration for me, but Blue Velvet in particular is my favourite. There’s a certain ambiguity that comes with Lynch’s work. He doesn’t aim to explain to the audience, but more to show them something. One scene in Blue Velvet, covers a completely unexplained music number:

(Blue Velvet, 1986)

The scene beautifully fits in because of the world Lynch has created for the film. Simple moments of ambiguity like this can be accepted by an audience, because they are expecting this sort of happenings by now. And having an unexplained dance number in my story, really motivates me to create a similar solid world like Lynch.

Another film that has inspired me visually is Oliver Stone’s Natural Born Killers. The drama in this film for me is extremely heightened by the use of colour and neon lighting. The visuals of the film are quite experimental to me, matching the narrative structure. Not everything needs to make sense and not everything needs to be explained. Sometimes you just have to enjoy the experience and the journey that the filmmakers taking you on.

(Natural Born Killers, 1994)



The Shining. (1980). [film] Directed by S. Kubrick.

Blue Velvet. (1986). [film] Directed by D. Lynch.

Natural Born Killers. (1994). [film] Directed by O. Stone.