A girl walks home alone at night

Midnight in Paris; A girl walks home alone at night.

I felt the waiters eyes pour over me in a way I was unaccustomed to. I blushed, smiled and thanked him for my glass of Rose. My chair faced the busy street and I watched as men and women escaped their warm apartments for the fresh air. The spanish couple on the table beside me encapsulated my attention as the handsome man adoringly fed his wife fresh bread; My idyllic Parisian night was complete.

I was twenty and it was my first night in Paris alone, self reliance in a foreign country provoked a feeling of liberation unparalleled to anything I had experienced at home. As I finished my glass of rose and stood to leave, basking in the cliche that was a balmy summer night in Paris, the waiter approached me, taking my hand asking me if I would return to meet him for a drink when he finished work.

I politely declined his offer quickly stating that I was to meet friends on the left bank, yet he persisted ‘You will see your friends tomorrow, you can see me tonight’. Confused, embarrassed and undeniably flattered, I accepted his offer.

In a society where the attention of females is expected to be granted and furthermore, desired, one must question the boundary between innocent charm and harassment.

I was naive to the underlying notions I was enabling within the situation. A woman rejecting any offer should be met with respect and then left alone; however this was not my experience whilst travelling alone. The first evening was somewhat pleasant; I returned to his place of work and we walked to a bar on the same block. We laughed as he imitated my accent and I blushed as he told me I had the most incredible eyes he had ever seen. We swapped phone numbers, He walked me to my apartment and I never saw him again.

I giggled on the phone to my girlfriends as I retold the story, yet as I continued to explore the streets of Paris alone, I frequently found myself in this position. I was approached as I sat alone in the morning sipping my coffee, in parks reading my book, once by a security guard in Le Bon Marche. I became increasingly frustrated as I realised the woman is often perceived to exist between both the public and private sphere; she lives not only for her own existence but she lives to fulfil the role as the object of the male voyeuristic gaze.

As I begin voicing my argument I feel trepidation as I am struck with the undeniable truth that as a white cis-gendered female, residing comfortably in a first world country, I am extremely privileged. The patriarchal society I find myself in is incomparable to millions of women living around the world; however, as it remains, this too is a patriarchal society.

And whilst my experience did not transpire into one of real fear or threat; the alternative now feels very real.

The question was not Does this woman want to be approached, it was, how should I approach her?

When a woman does not desire the attention; nor the company of a man she can be viewed as timid and relentlessly pressured to accept the offer at hand. The alternative, she is viewed as cold and conceited.

We must work toward a culture where the act of rejection is accepted and understood globally to allow growth in gender equality. The disregard for rejection perpetuates rape culture, even in the most seemingly insignificant scenarios.

Furthermore, we must allow the continuation of education on the female experience; How can a society expect males to grow and learn should we continue to politely decline with excuses. We must begin to acknowledge the truth that often a woman sits alone as it is her choice to do so; she does not always desire the company of males.

On my last night in Paris I sat on that same street and absorbed the beauty that was Paris in the summer, A male sat alone at a table across from me and we continued to glance back and forth at one another, each enjoying the presence of our own company. As I left I said goodnight to him and walked home wondering if I should return and ask him if I could buy him a drink; in that moment I desired male attention, which too is okay.

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