brief 4 – gifting activity

Partners: Darvey To and Jaidyn Attard

Group: B (make an audio visual based on a poem, then write a response – poem or 400 word prose – based on the partner’s audiovisual from the response of a poem)

NOTE: Just realised that whilst many chose the same poem to do this, we interpreted that we both do a DIFFERENT one…so either way uhhhhhhhhh….just roll with what we got? 🤷🏻‍♀️



Pay over attention to all things,
standing at the edge of fury; or don’t—you might not need to
be strapped down, with your eyes
held open like Alex ‘The Large’ to see the destruction, to be reminded of the failure of our kind
to save this precious earth.
it sounds like a plane flying low,
rumbling, a dragon’s cavernous belly.
The uprooted trees spin and snap, shrapnel-dirt leaps from the ground
leaving warzone shellholes behind to remind those who want not to be reminded at all;
and the ground under me shakes
with the force of a bus lurching to a halt, throwing me down
on my face.
Open your eyes now,
tell me of the ruin scattered before your poor, shocked body.
How did things get this bad?
Ask the soil, the waters, the clouds and they’ll tell you the story of the earth that shook.




clouds are grey

and i’m heavily dazed 

wind is heavy

and my world is rippled


wonder and yonder

desolate spaces 

lurking and searching

for home



so far from you


i can’t see you


sunlight glimmers

fog lingers

birds twitter 

nature prospers


there are so much of you

but which one is you?

step, step, step,

till i walk to you


colour blooms before you

and yet

i am blinded 

in shades of grey


it’s cold here

It’s empty here

am I here?

are you here? 

2 thoughts on “brief 4 – gifting activity

  1. 1. Darvey’s Video and Jaidyn’s Response

    1A. The Earth Shakes – Darvey To

    Wow! Very cool to see such a simple idea executed so well. The muted screaming, the black and white, and the slomo are all tricky to work with, but you have done so masterfully! The black and white looks great with your dark hair, and the slomo makes your scream seem so impactful.

    I find that the player you uploaded this with was a little laggy compared to a YouTube video, but that seems like an internal error. Although I like the black and white, if there were some small, desperate spots of colour here and there, it could bring home the frustration and the longing that you are looking for.

    This is a very unique take on the shaking of the earth. It not only seems like the earth is shaking around you, but that your core is shaking, too. Very little to critique here! One of my favourites!

    1B. Response – Jaidyn Attard

    I really like this as a standalone poem. It speaks for itself very well, and your choice of words are very strong. Some of my favourites include “shrapnel-dirt” and “…rumbling, a dragon’s cavernous belly.” Sharp visuals!
    The reference to the Clockwork Orange character had me confused. I have never seen it (I guess I should? Lol. Had to Google.) and I thought it was some odd wrestler name. Maybe broaden your metaphors instead of relying on pop culture which is very hit or miss? I think your formatting could use some tightening, as it took a few rereads to latch onto the flow of the piece. Seems a bit disconnected from Darvey’s?

    Your final line is just… *chef’s kiss* STUNNING! It brings the story to an end, but also lets the reader know that there is work to be done. I enjoy your keen references to war and how you likened it to the struggling state of the world. A ‘war on the earth’ so to speak. Well done!

    2. Jaidyn’s Video and Darvey’s Response

    2A. Untitled – Jaidyn Attard

    Although you filmed on a sunny/overcast day, you conveyed the idea of freezing cold very well. I felt cold just watching it! Your use of tilted angles helped add to the ‘sharpness’ of the mood, and it was unapologetically itself. A bold, intriguing piece of work!

    Your colour grading throughout this could use some work. The black and white to colour is well done, but the slomo scenes of the crosswalk and escalator has this odd blue wash that is out of place. Like I said with Darvey’s, the player is difficult to work with, but I think that that’s an internal error. There is a sudden swipe of credits at the end that really pulls me out of the scene – although it only lasts a few seconds?

    Once again, your shift from black and white to colour and back again is eye-catching, and you have some vibrant shots that I really love (especially the wildflowers near the buildings.) The loneliness of the subject is followed up strongly and keeping the “…Now arriving at Southern Cross” announcement was a great call. Lovely!

    2B. Response – Darvey’s To

    Short but sweet! I could clearly see your inspiration from Jaidyn’s video, and the two pieces are a great matched pair! Your formatting is always delightful – it makes me read the piece differently to how I normally would, and the heavy spacing helps me absorb what I’m reading.

    I think some of your metaphors are a little lacking, such as the “clouds are grey” and “searching for home.” Maybe expand these somewhat? I’m not sure if there was a “you” in Jaidyn’s work, so that part didn’t quite click for me, but of course, it’s up for interpretation!

    You write a great, ominous ending that shows the subject questioning reality. This works well with the continued theme of grey vs. overwhelming colour, and the line about colour blooming is stellar. Awesome!

  2. I really enjoyed a kind of synesthetic relationship between the vibration of the breath (the screaming) and the vibration of the Earth (so in this case, the title of the poem is important to the video). The simplicity and length really work to allow the unfolding of this for an audience.

    There’s a lot going on in JA’s video! Lots of experiments with time, space, rhythm, colour, shot choice, ‘character’, the spaces evoked by various use of sound… I think there’s a bit of refinement that could happen, or an unpacking of certain moments and phrases. Interesting that Darvey composed quite a spare poem in relation to this. Interesting conversation to be had here!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *